Monday, 16 June 2008

HP and EDS: truth behind the stories

We asked gizoogle to put cnet's coverage of the EDS acquisition into language more suited for children on the street... you can see the full story translated here, but some highlights:

Hewlett-Packard said Tuesday it will acquire computa services firm EDS fo` $25 per share, or $13.9 billion, in a deal intended ta boost HP's services revenue . Drop it like its hot.

On Monday night, HP had confirmed tizzle tha two companies were in raps , spendin' news reports brotha in tha day.

The deal will create a cracka services giant intended ta rival IBM in tha market fo` serv'n business customa . Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf.

At tha end of 2007, HP n EDS had a collective services revenue of more thizzay $38 billion n 210,000 employees, doing business in mizzy tizzy 80 countries, HP said n' shit.

HP said it wiznill establish a new business group, called EDS--an HP company, whizzich wizzy be heezeequartered at EDS's exist'n executive offices in Plano, Texas yaba daba dizzle. EDS will continue ta be led by EDS Chairman, President n Chief Executive Playa Ronald A . Im a bad boy wit a lotta hos.

In 2000, HP was in raps ta acquire PricewaterhouseCoopa . Chill as I take you on a trip. The controvizzles acquisition was tha fizzay big move by then-CEO Carly Fiorina fo gettin yo pimp on. But a signifizzles earn'n shortfall in tha fall of 2000, along wit signifizzle doggy stylin' on Wizzle Street, prompted HP ta drop tha idea.

"We're chillin' tha playbook we K-N-to-tha-izzow how ta run very well," Hurd told analysts weed-smokin' tha conference call Tuesday morn'n. "We kizzy how ta git signifizzles leverage out of our scale . Throw yo guns in the air. We spizzay doublizzle thousands of hours on tha due diligence n plann'n , betta check yo self. This thing (EDS) is very attractive. We didn't bakes in a lot of revenue synergies, but they is there."

HP Chief Technology Brotha Shane Robison said in an interview thizzat this doesn't represent a shizzay in strategy n thizzay HP will continue ta invest organically with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin.